Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
