"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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