I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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