you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
