We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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