I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize