Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
