I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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