The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
