Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
