i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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