piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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