I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize