I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
