I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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