remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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