YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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