So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
