State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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