my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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