Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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