there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
