Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
