Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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