sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
