Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize