I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
this is an emotional support booty call
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
