I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
