I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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