Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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