Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize