Welp...herpes.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
