her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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