she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
