My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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