I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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