so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
