Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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