I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
