it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
