My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have fence marks all over my body
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
