...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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