I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
