Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
