if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
