Don't EVER smell your tampon
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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