Christians are straight up FREAKS
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
