If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
