oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she told me i tasted like america
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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