I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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