sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
