I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
