he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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