community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
