The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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