I am full of burrito and curiosity
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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