sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
