is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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