I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
