why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
