Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
