He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Randomize
