thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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