is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
