Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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