I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
