erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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