dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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