If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
