well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
