Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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