i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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