dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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