Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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