Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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