i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
