I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
