I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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