At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize