my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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