Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
