Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
