You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
