My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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