Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
