I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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